


Media Ready: A Love Story

by AraSigyrn



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-10
Updated: 2011-09-10
Packaged: 2017-10-23 15:15:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/251801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AraSigyrn/pseuds/AraSigyrn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for horrorparties's DonorsChoose request - "Maybe something angsty? With longing?". Much thanks to deannawol for the beta and nitpick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Media Ready: A Love Story

Once upon a time, or so the story goes, there was a rockstar and a singer. The story of an unrequited crush and 'distraction' as told to Rolling Stone sounds like the first act of an epic romance and millions of people know that version.

The truth is somewhat different.

It could start in a lot of places; at auditions for Season 8 of American Idol, when Kris met Adam, when Katy got that film role in an indie that would go on to win four Oscars, when she fell in love with her co-star. Maybe it could start when Kris, still raw and grieving from his divorce, says the wrong thing to an E! microphone and is publicly outed as bisexual. Those are all good beginnings for a story but real-life is messy and resists being tucked away in neat little boxes like that. There isn't a single big story, just lots of small ones running together and overlapping.

This part of the story starts when Adam breaks Kris' heart.

He doesn't mean to, Kris knows, but it's the fact that Adam doesn't even realize he _has_ that hurts like a red-hot needle through his chest. Adam thinks that he's being a good friend, a natural continuation of the guy who offered Kris his spare room and talked for hours over takeout and late-night tv about being true to yourself and how liking girls or boys doesn't need to be mutually exclusive.

Kris has been divorced for one year at that point. Katy is planning her wedding and Kris is probably going to be invited. He hasn't spoken more than ten words to her since they faced each other across the bland courtroom in Little Rock. Kris misses her a little less every day.

Cale says Kris' divorce has changed him. Charles and the band have chipped in to hire a counselor who sits in his pleasant office and tells Kris earnestly that it's okay to be grieving and that his feelings are valid and allowed. Kris mostly stares out his window and composes songs in his head. Kris thinks he's getting better. He doesn't automatically say 'we' or 'us' any more.

On the anniversary of the day the divorce came through, Kris even says a prayer that is mostly sincere for Katy and her fiancé to be happy in the little chapel in LA that he visits sometimes. It's a relief to find he can still shape that sort of prayer and mean it when he says that he wants her to be happy. He stands up, feeling better, and goes to hang out with Adam.

Adam is three weeks past his last relationship and Kris thinks he'll be safe buying the paper. Adam's latest ex-boyfriend has milked every detail of their breakup and made Adam grim and sad in a way that hurts Kris to see. Kris knows he's in love with Adam but sometimes it still surprises him how much he feels it when Adam is sad or hurting. It makes Kris want to reach out but he doesn't dare.

Kris isn't expecting anyone to even have noticed that he and Adam are hanging out again. Theirs has always been a media-friendly relationship, tailored to the tabloid markets. They're both writing for albums and living in LA and they're friends; why shouldn't they hang out? He isn't expecting the five page spread of blurry photos and titillating headlines. "MUSIC'S FIRST COUPLE! ALLEN AND LAMBERT TOGETHER AT LAST?"

It's so much what Kris wants to hear that he half-thinks he's hallucinating. Adam meets him at the door with a copy of the paper and a big smile. Then things go completely crazy. Kris is halfway through his apology when Adam says "Isn't it great?!!"

Kris stutters a little. That was very much not the reaction he was expecting. Adam's spent years publicly downplaying that infamous Rolling Stone interview and loudly wishing people would get the fuck over 'some stupid comments he made years ago' in private. He's too much the consummate professional to say anything to other people but he's always frank with Kris. Kris comes out of those one-sided conversations with a fixed smile and a battery of bruises across his heart.

"That the tabloids think you and I are hooking up?" Kris manages eventually. He feels like someone is staging one of his most secret fantasies for laughs. It's an unsettling feeling and he's tense and the words come clumsily and ring fake in his own ears.

"Yes! It's perfect," Adam waves the paper and Kris wonders if he can request subtitles for this conversation. "I talked with my agent and your publicity people and-"

"Nothing good can come of that," Kris says. He's proven right five seconds later when Adam lays out the whole grand plan. Kris' publicist thinks he should be dating. (Kris knew that, she's not exactly subtle.) Adam's agent thinks a new relationship that lasts past the third date will do his image a lot of good. 19E think that there is a lot of money to be made from fans feeling vindicated and "-you know what the best thing is? We can call it off later and then no-one will bug us about why we never dated each other again! We can just tell them we tried, it didn't work out and we're still friends?"

"I'm sorry," Kris says blankly. "Just so I can understand this - you want to pretend to date me just so our fans are happy?"

"Well, it's not really going to be pretending," Kris' heart skips a beat. "I mean, I've done the friends-with-benefits before and okay, tabloid reputation aside, I'm like totally the best choice for your first time."

"You want to sleep with me?" Kris demands. He's half-convinced that there are hidden cameras filming this. There is no way this is for real. Real life - _Kris'_ life – doesn't work like some sort of romantic comedy. He shoves away the images of Adam, naked and horny because he- they- This is crazy.

"Of course," Adam says like he's talking about sleeping on Kris' couch or something. He tosses the paper onto the couch. "We have to date at least a month but Robert would rather we dated at least three. Being celibate that long is just uuugh!"

He shudders melodramatically before turning expectantly to Kris. Kris, who should be saying no right this second. Kris, who can already see in painfully clear detail just how much this is going to hurt. Kris, who's never slept with anyone he wasn't in love with and only one of the two people that description covers. Kris, who opens his mouth and says 'yes' because Adam wanting him even for a fake relationship for his fans is still more addictive and tempting than anything Kris can imagine.

Dating Adam is easy. They change gears from friendly banter to flirtation with intent so seamlessly even Kris doesn't notice. It's not even fake, not really because they're still friends, just now they're friends with kisses and sex. They hang out together, pose for cameras at gallery openings and film premieres. They tease each other, go clubbing together and eat out at the restaurants Kris chooses because he point-blank refuses to pay for a meal that consists mostly of air.

Adam's even better in bed than Kris' internet-fueled fantasies could have imagined. He's a careful lover, coaxing Kris through his first time with long, gentle kisses and whispering a litany of praise and profanity in his ear. Cliché as it is, Adam makes Kris feel sexy, desirable and talented. He writes songs about love and joy that practically bounce off the page.

It's the happiest four months of Kris' life.

He's got no-one but himself to blame: Adam told him flat out at the beginning that this was temporary and it wasn't real. Kris is an optimist and he's not experienced or anything, not like Adam is. Kris hoped, Kris dreamed and Kris only ever fooled himself (and the ever present audience of reporters and fans).

Adam breaks his heart into tiny jagged shards with one conversation that Kris wasn't even supposed to hear. He wakes up one morning, alone in Adam's decadently big bed, to voices coming from the bathroom. Adam's talking to his agent on speakerphone while he paints concealer over the red bruise where Kris' lips were last night. Later, Kris will think it's symbolic.

Kris is still loose, carrying the sex-ache of a good night in pleasantly stiff muscles, and he drowses. It isn't until Robert's snappish tone jerks him back awake that he actually starts paying attention to what's actually being said.

"-can't do that, Adam," Robert insists, voice tinny and petulant. "This whole relationship crap will fall apart if E! gets pictures of you ogling the twinks with your 'boyfriend' on your arm like that!"

"I know, I know," Adam says dismissively. "I should have been more careful but seriously, Robert, you should have seen that boy's ass!"

Kris' breath catches and he feels goose bumps rise at the sudden chill that washes through him. Adam regales Robert with the description of this 'boy' whoever he was. Kris doesn't know. Kris doesn't remember. Robert is peevish, telling Adam to be careful and Adam snaps back eventually. "Look, I miss being single, all right! I miss being able to pick up a hot boy and just fuck him. I miss being able to look."

The implosion of Kris' heart sucks the air out of his lungs. Kris feels the sticky mess of lube, the sore bruises where Adam's hands and mouth had been and he feels sordid. He pushes up and away from the bed, scrabbling as silently as he can for his clothes. He needs to be dressed before Adam comes out. Kris can feel the burn of tears behind his eyes and tingling along his nose but like _hell_ is he crying in front of Adam.

He must manage a passable impression of normal for the five minute conversation they have before he escapes. He texts Anna from the back of the cab, telling her to tell Adam and his people that it's time to end the charade. Then Kris switches off his phone and drinks all the alcohol in his house from the beer to the fancy-pants vodka that Adam likes. How he doesn't give himself alcohol poisoning, Kris never understands.

He spends the weekend locked away and just hurting. He's better at it this time, more practiced in the fine art of coping. He turns off his modem so he can't post to Twitter or email anyone. He writes a long-winded, rambling letter to his mom that he'll never post, begging her to tell him what he is, what he's done to make the two people he loved get bored of him.

Then, on Monday morning, he texts Adam to say he was sick, still hoarse and getting better. Adam accepts and starts gleefully texting like it's just another day. Kris ignores or evades every joke about their 'break-up' until Thursday when he texts Adam a casual ' _got start work on the album. may not be around. feel free to tell them i'm getting over my heartbreak._ '

' _will do. lol. looking forward to hearing the new stuff!!!_ '

The album takes up all the space in Kris' life, filling all the gaping holes Adam left behind. He works ten hour days in the studio, recording the songs he wrote with Adam. The producers love the complexity of the music and give the album the working title 'Wistful'. Cale and the rest of the band must set up a rota because Kris never goes back to an empty apartment and he spends a lot of his Friday nights at the sports bars.

Kris hangs out with his band and meets a few of Adam's friends who are technically his friends too for coffee. He's ...not fine but at least coping. He can't even look at a photo of Adam without feeling the sick churn of shame in his belly. He systematically strips his house and the studio he's using of any pictures of the two of them together. Kris can't bear to see the gormless infatuation in his own face. He keeps his phone on silent and avoids answering when Adam calls. He replies to Adam's texts even if he never initiates a conversation.

Kris' management pushes him to date after Adam hooks up with some guy less than a week after their break-up. Kris refuses for weeks. When he does start dating again it's mostly accidental and entirely Adam's fault. Adam's tour starts in a blaze of glory in LA and somehow Kris inherits Brad who is bored and frustrated with the LA casting directors.

Brad is funny, vicious and fiercely loyal. He effectively moves in with Kris as the album starts to come together and they hook up. Kris has always liked Brad and he loves him after a few weeks but he never falls in love with him. Sex is fun and therapeutic but it's never transcendent. Brad, unlike Adam, knows where Kris' battered and broken heart lies and he respects that.

Brad also acts as a buffer; he calls Adam and relays news both ways. The only time Adam ever asks, that Kris knows of, Brad informs him tartly that Kris "is busting his shapely little ass over his album. He doesn't have time to moon over the phone waiting for you to pull your fans' heads out of your ass and remember to call."

Adam doesn't ask again. Kris finally does talk to Adam again a couple of weeks later and it's stressful. Kris is too paranoid to just relax and let the conversation flow. He watches every word he says, determined not to be one to clue Adam into the open secret of Kris' broken heart. Adam sounds confused, clearly aware that something is wrong but unable to break through Kris' protective distance.

Kris thinks that maybe they're just not going to get over this but as usual, Adam doesn't get the same memo. He starts calling Kris directly, even though Kris still never picks up. Adam leaves a voicemail every time and Kris at least texts him in reply. Then he goes and channels all that grief and rage into his album and the last few run-throughs.

Kris finishes the album way ahead of schedule, eight months after Adam broke up with him. After the celebrations, tempered by the fact that 19E can't find an earlier slot to release the album, Kris realizes suddenly that it's nearly the second anniversary of his divorce. Katy is married by now, pregnant and glowing with happiness or so his mom says. Kris thinks about it for a few days and sends her a baby shower gift on the day after the second anniversary.

Kris focuses all his attention first on the album; then, as it crawls towards the drop date, on the charity his mom and dad set up. It's called the Allen Foundation for Family Support, targeted towards parents who have had their kids come out to them and don't know how to respond. Kris puts all the money he can spare into the Foundation and plays a couple of shows with a staggering mix of bands to raise more money.

He plays one entire show in Houston wearing just a sparkly pink tiara and leather pants one size too small. It was a bet with Frankie Iero of My Chemical Romance but the reaction from the press gets the Allen Foundation all the publicity anyone could wish for. Brad, who has come out to visit family, blows Kris against the door of his hotel room so skillfully that Kris nearly has an aneurysm.

"Thank you," Brad says simply and leaves Kris bewildered and limp as over-cooked noodles. He never actually explains but when his momma meets Kris for the first time and bursts into tears, thanking him for the Foundation and wishing that it had been there back when she'd been raising kids. Kris buys Brad coffee and never mentions it again.

Kris is kinda stunned when the Allen Foundation gets big enough that Daniel, looking more grown-up than Kris has ever seen him before, comes out to LA to interview people for actual paying jobs. They're opening another call-centre in Florida right away but Daniel is talking about figures and projections. It's like being in a meeting with his own handlers; Kris doesn't understand more than half the words but Daniel clearly does. It's gotten big and complicated.

Daniel talks about how the GLAAD awards are coming up and Kris' work with the Foundation has gotten him nominated for a couple of awards. Daniel actually calls the GLAAD awards "That gay musicians and actors awards, that one with the sex toy party-bags and the rainbow shots."

"Yes," Kris sighs. "Brad has been hounding me about going for weeks. I just-I don't really want to. It's different going there on your own."

"And the fact that it's one of the last 'dates'-" Daniel actually crooks air-quotes around the word 'dates' and Kris throws a napkin at him. "-Lambert took you on has nothing to do with it?"

"I went to last awards on my own," Kris defends himself. He'd spent four hours sitting beside giggly, happy couples (and the one foursome who were in the seats behind him), all of them madly, openly in love. Kris would rather let Brad wax his balls every night for a month than go through that again.

"I'm just saying," Daniel sounds like he's twelve and Kris throws a balled up napkin at him this time. "Also, answer your phone."

"I'll get to it." Kris says. Kris' phone rings twice an hour for the whole time he's with Daniel. It's always Adam's ringtone. Everyone else knows that he's busy today. Adam technically knows it too but he's been laying siege to Kris' voicemail. Kris knows, intellectually, that Adam just wants to keep their friendship intact and that he should be happy with that. His inner optimist keeps trying to hope.

He listens to the messages on his voice-mail in the cab home. Adam sounds drunk, not drunk-drunk but just tipsy enough that his vowels roll and his voice drops half a pitch. It's the voice Kris associates with late-night sex and sharing the warm space under the covers where the rest of the world can't reach. Adam's talking about interviews and his latest ex-boyfriend which is odd because Adam has been single for a month now.

"It's kinda fucked-up," Adam's recorded voice says in his ear as Kris' stomach flips and the warm rush of _want_ collides with the frustration and bitterness of never being able to let Adam go. "You know? I have all these guys - hot, sexy guys! I mean I only have to, like, click my fingers and there are-are guys lining up to suck my cock."

Kris swallows, tongue curling around the memory of how Adam tastes, the weight and heat of his cock against the roof of his mouth. Adam is talking, rambling and hiccuping. "I have all this - all the guys in the world, it feels like - and I can't have a good relationship. The best relationship I ever had was faking it with my straight best friend. How fucked up and pathetic is that? I feel like I should ask you to tutor my boyfriends, you know?"

Kris fumbles his phone. He catches it just before it hits the floor of the cab and just sits there. He feels like he's been punched so hard in the chest that his heart has been knocked out. His chest is so tight that Kris can barely breathe. He can feel the shaking starting in his shoulders and quivering down his spine. He can't think, can't process anything but how much that hurt. It's been a year - more, even - and one careless sentence from Adam and Kris' painfully reconstructed heart just shatters.

He throws money at the cabdriver and bolts up his steps. Brad and Cale are just inside the door and Cale takes one look at Kris and catches him under the arms as he stumbles. Kris is talking, fast and hysterical, all the words bubbling out and he sees Brad's expression darken and feels the tension in Cale's muscles. He doesn't get a chance to process because he's crying.

Brad and Cale get him very drunk and Kris spends most of the next day recovering from the hangover. Kris wants to just wallow, lock all the doors and curl up under the covers until the world just stops being there. He wants time to sulk and he doesn't want the phone Brad gives back to him that afternoon. Kris wants to throw it at the wall, break it and smash it and never have to listen to his voicemail again.

Instead, Kris sings at the newest American Idol final. It's a planned appearance and Kris doesn't have to think; he just has to sing one of the new songs from his album. It's going to be the first single, Kris thinks, an anthem about being yourself and all those self-knowledge clichés. He called it 'I'm Not What You're Seeing' and he sings it to the crowd, to the finalists - including Kerri who used to be called Karl, back when she was just a kid and who has that same quick-silver spark of raw talent as Adam did - and to Simon, back in the judge's seat and smiling ironically up at him.

Most of all though, Kris sings it to Adam who is in San Francisco and probably not even watching. He wrote the lyrics right after Adam broke his heart the first time and the music some time after Adam moved on. He lets everything he's feeling thread through the music; all the barbed prickly emotions that tangle him up and leave him trapped and helpless.

The crowd goes nuts as Kris lifts his hands away from his guitar and even Simon is standing to applaud. Ryan looks wide-eyed and the judges gush over his performance. Simon has the last word (of course).

"Back then, well, you know that I didn't think you were anything special," the crowd boos but Kris smiles a little. Little blue aliens on Pluto knew Simon didn't like Kris or his music. "And I'm never wrong. Usually. It's good to see I was wrong about you."

"Thank you," Kris says and then, because he's earned his place and he's good at what he does. "I hope that didn't hurt too much to admit there, Simon."

There's laughter and Simon smirks, a pleased gleam in his eye. He always did like it when Kris snarked back. Kris goes backstage and feels the energy draining out of him like he's a cracked vase or something stupid like that. He's just-just so _tired_ of being broken, of always hoping for more than Adam can give him and always, always being disappointed.

He can't even cut Adam out of his life; most of Kris' LA friends were Adam's first and even the ones that weren't are friends Kris made while he was part of 'Kris-and-Adam, EPIC BROMANCE'. Adam is wound through the different strands of Kris' life and Kris is never going to be able to escape.

Maybe, Kris thinks wistfully, he could get away for a while. Adam can't be cut entirely but Kris is going to need some padding, some pretence at emotional distance before he can be in the same room as Adam without every second drawing blood. He's trying to come up with a plan to make that happen as he bumps the door to his dressing room open.

Kris looks up and drops his guitar. Adam is sitting on the edge of the battered armchair that is surprisingly comfortable. Adam is hunched forward, hands clasped between his knees. His clothes look rumpled and his make-up is mostly gone. He's also got a swelling bruise, bluish pink shading to red - that takes up most of his cheek.

"Jesus," Kris blurts out, wincing and catching himself after the first step. His hand stops four inches from Adam's face and he closes it into a tight fist and lets it fall to his side. "What happened to you?"

"Hi, honey," Adam falters when Kris flinches at the pet name. "Sorry, I'm sorr-"

"Who punched you? Did you call the cops?" Kris twitches towards his phone which is on the dressing table behind Adam but he can't reach for it without having to squeeze past Adam.

"Cale happened to me," Adam's smile is pained. "Then Brad happened to me. Calling the cops didn't seem like a good idea."

"Cale? Brad?" Kris can feel the dread boiling up. Cale and Brad get on okay but they aren't golfing buddies or anything. The only thing they really have in common is Kris and he's starting to get a really bad feeling. "Why did Cale punch you?"

"Because I'm a jerk and an idiot and he left his dad's shotgun back in Arkansas," Adam bites his lip and reaches out to catch Kris' clenched hand. "I-we need to talk, Kris."

"I don't-" Kris starts but Adam looks up at him and Kris folds completely. Adam tugs him a little closer and Kris sits on the counter, back to the mirror. Adam is rubbing his thumb along the vein of Kris' wrist. His nail polish is chipped and he doesn't look at Kris' face.

"So," Adam says quietly. "Brad told me I was an idiot and he's right."

"Was this before or after Cale punched you?" Kris asks and Adam smiles a little.

"Both. Brad's ...not exactly shy about sharing his opinions," Adam looks up. "He was...yeah, let's just say, he was pissed at me. Cale mostly just did the punching and can I just say that I now understand why you don't bring much security to your gigs? Boy can throw a punch!"

"Yeah, he watched too many action movies as a kid," Kris jokes but it falls flat. There's a weird tension in the air and Kris is practically vibrating with the need to pull away or move or do something. "And you're not telling me why they were pissed at you."

"You know why they're pissed at me," Adam tells him and Kris can't look at him. "I don't blame them. Hell, if it had been anyone else who broke your heart, I'd have been right there with them. I know it doesn't change anything but Kris, I am really sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"I know," Kris says because it's the truth. It was never Adam's fault. Kris just isn't wired for friends-with-benefits and he should have told Adam no right from the beginning. "It's okay."

"No," Adam tugs on his wrist and Kris looks at him for a second. Adam looks fierce, eyes bright and wet. "No, Kris. It's not okay. I took advantage of you and I fucked it up and that's on me. I should have been honest with you from the beginning and I should have noticed when I made you uncomfortable."

Kris swallows. He feels young and stupid and exposed like Adam can see every secret Kris has worked so hard to hide.

"And I should have explained about the Rolling Stone 'crush' better," Adam admits. "I didn't have a crush on you back then." Kris tries to pull away and Adam holds him tighter, catching his other wrist and pulling him closer. "I had a crush on you after Hollywood week. I was infatuated by country week and I was in love with you by the time Rolling Stone showed up."

"I-you- _no_ ," Kris says because this isn't - can't - be true. Adam had a stupid, promixity-induced crush. Adam got over it. Kris fell in love. Kris didn't get over it. That's the only way this whole fucked up nightmare makes _sense_.

"I was in love with you," Adam repeats. "I am in love with you. I have been in love with you most of the time we've known each other. I'm just sorry I was such a dick about it."

"I-you-" Kris stutters. "You're lying."

"Look at me, baby," Adam tugs on his hands and Kris' eyes flick back to his face and Adam looks earnest, eyes crinkled up at the corners. "You know me. If I was lying, you'd _know_. I just-I'd just been in love with you for so long that I was happy just being your friend. It was just how things worked; birds fly, ants crawl, Adam Lambert is still head-over-heels for his straight best friend-"

"Bisexual," Kris corrects. "Bisexual best friend."

"Bisexual-and-monogamous best friend," Adam fires back. "You were married to Katy. You being bisexual was always kinda theoretical. You were never going to even look at anybody else while you were married to Katy."

"I tried not to look at anybody else when I was married to Katy," Kris admits. It's not something he's proud of but if Adam's telling the whole messy complicated truth then Kris should be honest too. "I made a promise, you know?"

"I know," Adam smiles sadly at him. "Don't get me wrong, I love that about you but it meant that being in love with you...that was always a dream. I never thought..."

He trails off and Kris is grateful. Secretly, in the part of his mind where Kris thinks the thoughts he's least proud of, he can finish that sentence. Nobody ever thought Katy would be the one who cheated. Kris isn't angry any more but it's still an unpleasant twinge to think about it.

"And I never really re-evaluated that," Adam moves on smoothly. "You were still 'straight' to me even after you came out in public. I never really believed it and then you started doing interviews and, God, everyone in the world wanted to talk about what you liked and what your dream boy was."

"You." It slips out without Kris meaning to and Adam jolts. He looks up at Kris with wide eyes and Kris shrugs a little because, hey, it's the truth. There's a beat, two, four-five before Adam laughs a little uncertainly and clears his throat.

"I thought, I thought about asking you out or taking you clubbing and getting you drunk," Adam's laugh is bitter this time and Kris turns his hands so he can curl his fingers around Adam's wrists. "I'm not proud of this but yeah, somehow that got all tangled up and I was afraid and I thought that if we fucked, I could get it out of my system."

Kris tenses and Adam's grip tightens on his wrists. He kisses the back of Kris' hand, just a casual graze that still makes Kris shiver. "I told you; I was an idiot and I made up this bullshit idea and you said yes and..."

"And you got bored," Kris says dully. He remembers lying in Adam's bed with Adam's fingerprints still on his skin and hearing Adam describe that boy from the night before as he brushed his teeth.

"What?" Adam sounds genuinely shocked. "Bored? I was dating a hot music artist with a smoking hot career, we spent every second we could get free and I cancelled meetings every chance I got to spend more time with you _and_ I was in love with you. I've never clicked with anyone like that and I've never had sex that hot in my life. I used to get hard just thinking about you and I thought about you all the time."

"You-" Kris breaks off because there's a pressure building up inside his chest that feels a lot like hope but that sordid, tiny feeling demands closure. "You were talking about the guy in the club and Robert said you'd been ogling. You-you told him you wanted to be single again for Christ's sake!"

"Robert is an awesome agent," Adam says sincerely. "He is not an awesome judge of body language. I was being a prick to him. I mean, he rang during sex! You don't do that! There was no ogling," Kris opens his mouth to says something and Adam shakes his arms gently. "I'm serious! No ogling whatsoever. There was, however, a shitload of jealous glaring."

"Why would you be jealous?" Kris can't make sense of the idea.

"You don't even remember the guy, do you?" Adam's smiling, rueful and fond and Kris bites his lip. He hadn't even seen the guy, only vaguely remembered the hot pink tips of his hair, because Adam had been there, eyes painted fierce and dark and his hands had been sure and hot against Kris' skin. Kris shakes his head and Adam looks down at their hands. "He was just this brash little kid, all attitude and bullshit and he couldn't take his eyes off you. I wanted to punch his face in. I wanted to do so much more than just kiss you in front of him. I wanted to paint my name across your skin in big letters so everyone would know that you were _mine_."

"...seriously?" Kris stares at Adam who is going pink, freckles like tiny black ink-spots across his cheeks and-and-and Adam's not lying. Adam is looking at him with wide, open blue eyes and Kris stutters. "I-you can't-if this doesn't work out...Adam, I don't know what I'll do. I can't do this, not again."

"Kris," Adam tugs him a little closer and lets go of his wrists, hands settling on his hips instead. "I know I made mistakes and I am so sorry about that. I swear I am going to make it up to you but please, please, give me another chance. I love you like crazy and we can go as slow as you need, anything you want."

Adam's rambling and Kris thinks about how much it had sucked to have his heart broken. He thinks how scary it is to be in love and he can see that fear, just tiny glimmers of panic in Adam's eyes. He thinks how if his heart breaks again, he's never going to find all the pieces.

Then he looks at Adam, at his wide blue eyes and blurred eye-liner and feels the want like a gravitational pull. Kris smiles and Adam lights up but Kris is really laughing at himself. He's an optimist and he's been in love with Adam through two heartbreaks already and none of that matters because if Adam is willing to try a real relationship, then Kris is going to meet him halfway.

Kris leans down to kiss Adam and feels his relief as a shudder through them both as Adam's arms come up to wrap around him so tightly that Kris can't move, can't breathe and they're both laughing, a little hysterical, a little teary but laughing all the same. Adam keeps stealing kisses, cupping Kris' face and staring at him with wonder in his eyes. Adam's hard against Kris' thigh but he jumps, mouth opening in a shocked 'oh', when Kris rubs the heel of his hand roughly down against him.

"Oh-oh god, oh," Adam's babbling and his hands are running up and down over Kris' arms like he wants to be touching every inch of him and Kris stares up him, entranced as Adam comes in his damn pants just from Kris' hand rubbing against his dick. "Oh _fuuuuuck_! _Kris_!"

Kris is hard in his own jeans but he can't look away from Adam, unravelled, unkempt and so fucking beautiful. Adam's mouthing his neck, fingers still roaming like Kris is going to disappear if Adam doesn't keep touching him. There's someone knocking on the door and Kris tries to turn his head but Adam makes an urgent, throaty sound and tugs him back into a long kiss, fingers busy with Kris' fly.

"Adam, they're going to-" Kris gasps as Adam nips at his throat. "-see..."

Adam's eyes are dark and greedy and his smile is all lazy, possessive and pure sex. He leans in to kiss Kris deep and overwhelming before he breathes "Let them. Let everyone see what you do to me, how much I love you. Let the whole fucking world watch, baby. I'm never hiding this again."

Kris can't really argue.


End file.
